...Your manager approaches you about whether you've considered furthering your position with the company. At your retail job. Yeah.
Now, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with advancing your career within a retail corporation such as Old Navy. You can make uber bucks as a store or district manager. I can see how it would be a very enticing job.
I, however, have never dreamed of working my way up a corporate ladder. Any ladder. No desire whatsoever. I mean, I suppose I could consider it while I'm in school if I could. But I'm not in school, and I wouldn't want them to think it's a permanent thing.
What this all means, I suppose, is that I finally need to just suck it up and finally make a decision about what I want to finish my b.s. for. I've been trying to figure it out for a couple of years now. I've got a lot of things I would like to do or could see myself doing, but I just don't know what I would be good at doing for long term, you know? I don't want to get a degree for something, getting my family and I into large amounts of debt, for something I end up regretting. I think I've gotten myself so panicked and afraid of that happening that I've gotten stuck. I'm afraid to choose because I don't want to make the wrong choice.
How are you supposed to know what to do for the rest of your life anyway? Especially at 21.
I've got my associates in History, but I've almost completely thrown out pursuing that. I don't really want to teach, although it's something I think I could do. I've thought about becoming some sort of archivist or historian with a History degree. I love history. I really do. But lately I've really been leaning towards psychology. I greatly enjoyed the courses I've taken in the subject. I'm considering how I would do as a family/marriage counselor or possibly a school guidance or career counselor. Or even going all of the way and becoming a therapist.
There's so many things I can see myself doing that it's hard just to pick one. I don't have a calling, or that I've been able to tell anyways. I know people who know for certain what they want to do and I'm completely envious. I wish I was certain. I wish I knew. But I don't.
It doesn't help that I've been getting lectured from what seems to be every corner. Before I got married it was my father. He'd constantly talk to me about how I needed to decided what I wanted to do. Now, my husband will occasionally get on me about it. They make me feel like a failure for not knowing what career choice I want. I'm trying. I'm trying so hard to figure it out. But I haven't. I'm sorry, but I haven't.
A career doesn't mean everything does it? I know having a degree will help me better support my family and that's what I'm focusing on. But I have other things that I know I want. I want to be a mother. A good one. One that doesn't have to put her job before her family. I do want a career. I want to do something I enjoy. But that is second to being a good wife and mother. As I get older that gets evermore important to me. I used to never imagine myself being a stay at home mom or homeschooling my kids. But as the time draws nearer, I can envision it. And I like it. Being that incredibly annoying PTA mom who maybe has a part time job while her kids are at school. Weird. I know.
I do know that if I want to get a degree, I'm going to have to start working on it. I know that once we have kids it will be much more difficult to get a degree. Not impossible, just significantly more difficult. So I'm going to do even more self-searching and some praying in order to discover what exactly it is I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm giving myself until next school year(mostly since I didn't apply for aid this year...). Wish me luck.
