When Words Fail...They Weren't There Anyways...

Do you ever have those moments when words simply will not come? When you can't think of one thing to say to better the situation? When everything is inadequate no matter what you would say if you could?
My husband lost someone last night. It wasn't someone that I believe he knew very well. Someone who went to his school, but he knew his brother or something along those lines (not sure of the details). This person was taken in a very brutal and horrifying way. I think that made the news so much more difficult for my husband. It shook him.
When he told me, I sort of froze. I didn't know what to do. I could tell he was affected, but I didn't have a clue what to say to him. "I'm sorry" seemed unfeeling and trite. "I know this is difficult" or any other normal sympathetic statements seemed equally inadequate. There weren't words. I couldn't say anything. I wanted so badly to say something that would make him feel better. Take any of the pain away. But I couldn't. Nothing I could do could change the situation. Should I go and hug him? If he were my mother, I know that'd be the right thing. I wanted to hold him. At least it'd be doing something. But I know he's the type to be left alone in these moments. So I just sat there with him. I would at least be there if he did want to say anything or needed me. At least I could do that.

I wish there was a magic cure for helping people going through tragedies. The exact right things to say and do to console, but there isn't. I think that situation is the hardest for me. Having the immense desire to do something, to help, this incredible amount of sorrow for the person. But knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can realistically do. Except be there. That's my fall to. Just be there and hope it's enough. But it feels like it falls so far short of doing anything for such an immense pain.
I hope this doesn't come across like I'm making the situation about me and my feelings. Trying to be the center of attention or anything, because it's the exact opposite. I want so badly to do what they want me to do, what they need, and it kills me that I can't figure it out because I just want to take all of their pain away. I don't want to be the "saint" or what not. I don't want a thank you or you're so kind, any of that crap. In that moment I am not there. I am just a shoulder, an ear, a presence to be with, whatever they need. It kills me not to know what to do, to be for them. I want so badly in that moment to become something that can just take their heart and hold it until the pain goes away. Instead, I'm just a mute stone awkwardly sitting there, heart breaking because yours is breaking. And I can't help.

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They Keep Saying It's Over, but I'm Just Beginning to Feel the Warmth on My Skin...

So... I realize that Labor Day was over a week ago, but yes, this is a Labor Day post. I just kept putting it off even though for once I had something to talk about instead of my usual random ramblings. Even though I'm sure it'll still be rather random.
Well, the husband had a four day weekend so I decided it was the perfect time to take a mini-vacation from work. Therefore, we spent the entire weekend together. Every waking moment. (Yes, we're still in the stage of our marriage where we like to be around each other all of the time.)
Friday consisted of us heading to the beach with a couple of his work friends. It was probably only the second or third beach-worthy day of the year so it was perfect. We picked up a pack of the Smirnoff mixed box (Yes, the box. The blueberry-lemonade is my favorite) and dedicated the afternoon to soaking up the sun. We were there for probably two or three hours. Let's just say the box did not make it home. It was my first time getting drunk on the beach, and I'll admit it was nice. Completely  unwinding with the most beautiful view in front of you. Unfortunately all of that beach fun led to us passing out the rest of the night at home.
Saturday began slowly. Very slowly. We basically sat in bed, laptops next to each other and coffee in hand. It was two o'clock before we even thought about moving. But we had plans so we finally left our hovel. We were invited to go kayaking, which I'd never done before, but wanted to attempt. While it was nice and sunny for once at home, of course where we ended up kayaking turned out to be gray and cold. Nevertheless we headed out. I'll admit I was a little nervous. I was afraid of getting tired and not being able to get back, getting flipped, or getting lost. Luckily we went doubles so Ty lent his manly strength to the trek. Despite the cold, it was a lot of fun. Hard work, but fun. We weren't able to stay out too long, but we had a good time and now I can say that I've done it.
Then Sunday my husband awoke me and announced he had the plan for the day's festivities. I, imagining getting dressed up and having a coffee date, was rather surprised his plan was for us to go to the shooting range. Oh. Mars and Venus nonsense I suppose. He has been on a gun and hunting kick ever since we got our hunting licenses...
....Which I didn't tell you about so I will do so now. He asked me like a month ago in passing if I wanted to take a gun safety course. Thinking how much he wanted me to know how to shoot and deciding it was probably a useful idea,(and figuring he'd forget all about it) I said yes. Then a few weeks later he reminds me that it's coming up and we have to take the online course. Okay..he's serious I guess. So I get to this course and I discover it's hunting safety. Huh. I really have no intention of ever actually hunting or shooting anything so this seemed a little bit unnecessary. I didn't really care about learning to hunt since it was something that never interested me. I proceeded to tell him this, but he then proceeds to tell me how much he wants to do it and seeing how excited he is, I go along with it. So we passed the courses and got our licenses. One more thing I can say I've done...
...anyways. Since then he's been obsessed. That's how he is though. He'll get an idea in his head or a hobby and he'll be all gung-hoe about it for about a month and then switch to something else. He's trying to be a Renaissance man/Jack of all trades is my theory. So Sunday we went to the shooting range. Ok, I'll be totally upfront: I was beyond nervous, I was almost scared. I had never even held a gun let alone shoot one without any sort of teaching. But there I was holding a .22 revolver that the store owner said was the "beginner's" gun, being shown how to load and shoot at the target. I was freezing thanks to the shorts I was wearing and the vents in the room and kept jumping from everyone shooting around me. But I knew he was really excited and wanted me to do it, so I sucked it up and shot. And let's just say, I'm pretty awesome. It's scary when it goes off, but how can you shoot a gun and not feel like a badass? Sure, I was shooting the "baby" gun with what I'm sure is the smallest bullet ever, but I felt so tough. I don't think I'll ever feel completely comfortable handling or being around guns, but I think that understanding how they work and being able to operate one is important. So yeah, I'm a kickass chick.
Sorry for this turning into a short novella, but I can ramble on as we know. To wrap it up, here are the only pictures of this fun and eventful weekend:

Oh, and here is how we welcomed autumn since everyone apparently believes that summer is over even though it's really just beginning here: 

The first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the year.

Homemade chili.

Bringing the smells of home to us.

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Oh, to be Queen...

I finally finished it. I picked this up at a used book store for like 6 bucks probably 3 months ago. I, of course, have seen the movie, and I'm one of those people who sees a movie and has to know more when it comes to historical things. Let's just say when I was younger and watched Anastasia, I immediately did a Wikipedia search. So, when I found this, I knew I had to have it. Let me tell you, I'm so glad I did.
This was a really engrossing biography. I felt like I was there, in Versailles experiencing it all. I feel like the author went past just cold facts but into the personal responses and psychological being of Marie Antoinette. I feel like I got to know her, became part of her inner circle. It was really interesting to learn all of this about such an iconic historical figure. I mean, we all know who she was: Queen of France who was beheaded during the Revolution. But what more do we really know of her and her story? It was fascinating to follow her from a young girl in Vienna to the young Dauphin clumsily attempting her role at wife and foreign princess to the beloved Queen to the hated fallen royalty. What I liked most about this book was that I responded to it as I would a novel. I was anxious, excited, worried about what was going to happen next. It didn't feel like other biographies I have encountered which seemed nothing more than a lot of cold facts strewn across a page. Perhaps it was the tragic and romantic story itself that attributed to the novel-esque feel of the book, but I still feel that the writing was key as well. Throughout the book the author would present certain situations that have been under argument as to whether they actually occurred. She would point these sections out and would clearly point out how they're up for argument but put forth evidence as to which way she believed to be the case. 
I'm not an expert, no where near, however I do believe this is an excellent and thorough biography. I definitely recommend reading it even if you're not a history buff like me. It's a great story if nothing else to recommend it.

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