In the End, it Looks Like We Always Get a Chance to Start Over Again...

2011 is quickly drawing to a close. It's true what they say about the older you get the faster the time goes. This year flew by. When I started thinking back over the year, I sort of started to get a little depressed. It didn't seem like to much has changed from this time last year. We're still in Monterey and I still work at Old Navy. Where I am today seems a lot like where I was a year ago. Has life stagnated so much already? Did I really do nothing this last year that strikes emotion or pride or even stand out as remotely interesting?? How sad...
But then I got to thinking: stuff did happen this year. I turned 21 (not in the way I imagined though; we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary in San Francisco; I had a couple of girlfriends to actually hang out with in the beginning of the year; I got my hunting license; I shot a gun for the first time; I went kayaking for the first time; I welcomed a new baby nephew; I flew for the first time; went to Chicago for the first time. I also gained enthusiasm for fitness and started rethinking my health and fitness lifestyle. I've also accustomed more to being a wife and living on our own. Maybe not major or exciting things, but this year hasn't been a waste.
Mulling over this past year of course got me thinking of the year to come. The year has the makings of being an eventful one. Ty will graduate in July and he'll go to Texas. While he's there, I'll most likely go back home. So, bye bye Monterey. I love Monterey, but I'm ready to get somewhere where we know we're going to be for awhile. There's been nothing but uncertainty here. After Texas, we'll move across the country again, this time to the opposite coast. There's going to be a lot of moving and starting over in a little amount of time. And these are only the things that I know are going to happen.
I have a lot I want to accomplish this year, as I do every year. I know everyone sets resolutions that they don't actually keep, but I'm making goals. I want to do more and make more of this year than I did 2011. I want to make everyday full.
Here's the list I have so far:

• Apply to a college
• Get financial aid for said college
• Learn more/Do more with my photography
• Journal
• Read a book every two weeks
• Spend less time on the internet
• Take more chances
• Try new things
• Stop saying no
• Read the Bible more regularly 
• Do more with my time
• Start saving for kids
• Eat cleaner
• Limit alcohol intake to 1 glass of wine a week
• 1 splurge day a month
• Workout 5-6 days a week
• Get stronger: work with heavier weights
• Go hiking more
• Learn to run
• Be able to run a 5k without stopping no matter how slow
• Then start working on speed
• Be proud and love my body

This is my list. I'm sure there's more I want to do, but I think this is a start. :)
What are some of your resolutions or goals for the coming year?
*I will do a traditional "Christmas" and vacation post once I get home and can actually fit my memory card into a computer to upload pictures. :/*

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Christmas Cards...aka Dressing Up and Posing Like Dweebs...

I remember the first Christmas the hubs and I were dating he got the crazy idea of doing Christmas cards together. We had only been dating like 5 months and had actually just gotten back together from a week long breakup ( I know). I remember being a little taken aback by it actually. Aren't Christmas cards something you do with like fiances or at least people you live with?? It definitely showed me how committed he was to the relationship and that he saw a future for us if he would do Christmas cards to send to his family.
We didn't do cards last year which is weird considering it was our first Christmas being married and having Pheobe and being away from home... probably would have been the ideal time to do them. Procrastination won that one.
But we finally got around to it this year! We could not decide how to pose or how to set up the pictures for the life of us. We eventually just ended up being crazy and having fun with it. No point to take ourselves too seriously. So laugh at us if you will, but admit it. We're kind of cute. In that incredibly dorky way...

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It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas...

So, I'm one of those people who believe that Thanksgiving is STILL a holiday and should not be shoved aside or looked over just so people get start their Christmas jubilation early. Don't get me wrong: I love Christmas. I am just a firm believer in everything having it's moment in the sun. Therefore I refuse to put up Christmas decorations a moment before Thanksgiving evening. Discussion over.
While I believe in the appropriate celebration of Thanksgiving, I will say that it is the worst weekend for me EVER. I work in retail and that week is retail HELL. And to top it off, my store opened at midnight Black Friday. So yeah. I basically did not see my husband for three days. Back to back shifts and very little sleep was the theme of the week. I can't wait for the day that I don't work in retail and can actually enjoy a Thanksgiving and maybe even participate in some Black Friday hoopla. Oh to dream...
But that's all over with (thank goodness!!) and my Christmas spirit is in full swing. We put up decorations last weekend dressed in appropriate Christmas apparel (lots of burgundy and sweaterness) with Pandora officially locked on Michael Buble Holiday channel and our Bath and Body Works holiday candles filling the air with a Christmas aroma. We actually didn't purchase any of our decorations save our tree. The family that gave us their furniture when they moved unloaded boxes of decorations on us thereby providing us with everything we needed. It's not all exactly our taste but we made it work. And hey, it was free.
I'm feeling really nostalgic this year for some reason. It's probably because we haven't been home or been with our families for a year. That's the longest we've ever been away from them. I am beyond ready to go home (in 2 weeks!!) and see everyone and relax. I'm excited to surrounded by snow (not looking forward to the cold though), food, drinks, a fireplace, and loved ones with no cares in the world...
We're flying this year as opposed to driving 36 hours like last year. While I'm relieved we don't have to make that torturous and exhausting trip, I'll admit I'm nervous about flying. I've never flown before (shocker I know) and I'm a little scared. My husband keeps telling me not to worry about it and that it'll be fine, but I don't think he gets it. I've NEVER flown before. I have a slight fear of it. I wish I wasn't such a horrible drunk so I could throw a few back before the flight and relax. Maybe I'll just take some NyQuill and pass out... :/
No matter what it takes, though, I'm going home. And I cannot wait. :)
*How was Thanksgiving for everyone else???*
I'll leave you with some pics of our decorating extravaganza:

Spiked apple cider and pumpkin muffins

Kahlua and coffee. Yeah, we're classy like that.

This is how we prepare for putting up lights...

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Rainy Day Adventure...

I love waking up on days off to the sound of rain on the roof. I love it even more when my husband has the day off and we can lie in bed enjoying the rain together. I had plans to workout and clean my sty of a house, but we shoved those plans aside for some frolicking in the rain. We are the only people I know who enjoy a rainy day almost more than a sunny day.
Our first mission was, of course, to look stylish. So we donned our classiest rainy day outfits  complete with rubber rain boots, scarves, and wool jackets. After loading up on too much coffee and packing a flask with some Kahlua, we made our way to the beach. It was perfect. The waves were fierce and even though it was rainy and chilly, we had a blast running around taking pictures. After the rain picked up, we decided to head out and do some shopping and ended with scouring Target for chili necessities. The day has been filled with coffee, rain boots, pictures, and jazz... Perfection. <3
Here's some of the pictures from our day (I love how these came out. Beautiful and completely unedited.)

Loving my outfit. :)

Yes. He's Singing in the Rain.

Man vs. The Elements

P.S. Shooting today made me realize how much I need to add either a zoom or wide angle lens to my Christmas list...:/

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Lust List...

Today is the first day of November. Can you believe it?? I can't. I'm actually kind of in denial if you want to know the truth. This year has flown by. It's really true what they say about getting older and time moving quicker. It's hard to believe that in just over a month we'll be flying home for Christmas. I can't tell you how excited I am to see my family and relax for a few days. It'll have been a year between visits. That's the longest I've ever gone without seeing my family. I'm not really homesick (I don't get homesick) it's just more that I miss them. It'll be nice to not have any responsibilities for a few days as well. No groceries to get, no house to clean, no work... It's like I get to be a teenager again for a week or two. I am definitely looking forward to that.
With Christmas approaching, I've subconsciously begun creating my Christmas list. I don't know why, considering Ty and I aren't doing gifts for each other and my parents are treating us to a trip to Chicago while we're home for our gift. This is more of "what I'm wishing for right now" list, I guess. Things I want to buy for myself more or less. Although, these will probably have to be post-Christmas since we have support the airlines this year and pay for our tickets home. Oh well. It doesn't hurt to look does it?

I'm dying for a new camera bag. I originally wanted one that looked like an actual purse, but I've found a couple of leather ones that are lovely. I really like this one, but I'm torn between black and dark brown. 

 

 

I am DYING over this. It must be in my life as soon as possible.

 

I know I could make these myself, but I just don't want to.

 

Loving these camera straps. Of course I'd get the blue one.

 

I really want to try and teach myself to run and I think this is my best bet. No excuses about weather to keep me from it.

 

 This is just the start of course. They're are of course apparel items I have my eye on, but that would be a much longer list... There are things I'm keeping my eye out for that I'll need when we go home. Going from 60 degrees to about 30 raises the need for some clothing adjustments.

I'm needing a better/warmer coat for going home. I found a GUESS? one at Macy's that I fell in love with (sort of similar to this one). I want a longer one that will keep me extra warm

 

Needing some boots. I'm torn between plain ones or fancy ones like these.

 

That's all for now. Happy November everyone!! Brace yourself for the holiday season.

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"Fit" is the new "Thin"...

So, Christmas is officially just over two months away, which means that we will be going back home soon. We haven't been home in a year. While I'm ecstatic to visit and see everyone and am looking forward to going home, I'm also  incredibly reluctant. What about, you ask? Well... I'll be completely honest: I've put on weight since I was home last. Probably about 7-10 lbs if I'm honest with myself. This depresses me to no end considering how hard I had worked and how thin I was when I got married (just a year and a half ago mind you). But what do I expect? I've been eating out a lot and there was a good two months where I wasn't working out period. Plus, I'm finding it harder and harder to feed my husband and keep food for him to eat in the house without me binging on it. He needs to gain weight and I need to lose. I am at an utter loss. Other than the obvious of gaining some more self-control to avoid his food or eating too much. I'm not happy with where I'm at, especially when I compare it to where I've been. I'm afraid to go home and have everyone tell me how much bigger I am.
So I've decided to start doing something about it. I've been getting my workout consistency back, but I still have to get my diet under control. I stumbled upon a lot of fitness blogs and they've really motivated me to get in shape and healthy. I've always wanted to be "thin" and "skinny" and have been deathly afraid of bulking up. But these girls I follow show how beautiful muscles and being strong are. I still don't want to bulk up, but I want to be toned and defined like these girls and I want my body to be able to kick ass like they can.
I've decided to start a fitness blog for myself. A place for me to be honest about my weight, size, measurement, workouts, meals, etc. I'm hoping seeing these numbers and pictures of myself as well as motivational things from others will motivate me to keep with it. I'm going to be fit and healthy. Not thin. Hopefully I'll be able to work on how to do this whole married with two different needs thing. When I got to my lowest weight last year, I don't think I did it the healthy way. And it wasn't really intentional. I was working out, but I wasn't eating enough (in my opinion). At the time I was going to school full time and working two jobs so I really didn't have time to eat a lot. I don't have that issue now. I work one job maybe 30 hours a week. The rest of the time I have nothing to do. This time around, I'm going to work on eating healthily but enough to give my body the energy to do the things I want it to do. I'm going to push it really hard the next two months to really lose the weight I've gained, but I'm not stopping there. I'm going to learn how to make fit and healthy a part of my life. No more "diets" in the sense of losing weight, but diet in the sense of the food that I eat. I'm going to be a mother eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later), and I know I want to be a good example for my kids and I want to be healthy enough to keep up with them. I want to feel beautiful again. I want to feel proud of myself. I want to be strong. I want to be fit.

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When Words Fail...They Weren't There Anyways...

Do you ever have those moments when words simply will not come? When you can't think of one thing to say to better the situation? When everything is inadequate no matter what you would say if you could?
My husband lost someone last night. It wasn't someone that I believe he knew very well. Someone who went to his school, but he knew his brother or something along those lines (not sure of the details). This person was taken in a very brutal and horrifying way. I think that made the news so much more difficult for my husband. It shook him.
When he told me, I sort of froze. I didn't know what to do. I could tell he was affected, but I didn't have a clue what to say to him. "I'm sorry" seemed unfeeling and trite. "I know this is difficult" or any other normal sympathetic statements seemed equally inadequate. There weren't words. I couldn't say anything. I wanted so badly to say something that would make him feel better. Take any of the pain away. But I couldn't. Nothing I could do could change the situation. Should I go and hug him? If he were my mother, I know that'd be the right thing. I wanted to hold him. At least it'd be doing something. But I know he's the type to be left alone in these moments. So I just sat there with him. I would at least be there if he did want to say anything or needed me. At least I could do that.

I wish there was a magic cure for helping people going through tragedies. The exact right things to say and do to console, but there isn't. I think that situation is the hardest for me. Having the immense desire to do something, to help, this incredible amount of sorrow for the person. But knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can realistically do. Except be there. That's my fall to. Just be there and hope it's enough. But it feels like it falls so far short of doing anything for such an immense pain.
I hope this doesn't come across like I'm making the situation about me and my feelings. Trying to be the center of attention or anything, because it's the exact opposite. I want so badly to do what they want me to do, what they need, and it kills me that I can't figure it out because I just want to take all of their pain away. I don't want to be the "saint" or what not. I don't want a thank you or you're so kind, any of that crap. In that moment I am not there. I am just a shoulder, an ear, a presence to be with, whatever they need. It kills me not to know what to do, to be for them. I want so badly in that moment to become something that can just take their heart and hold it until the pain goes away. Instead, I'm just a mute stone awkwardly sitting there, heart breaking because yours is breaking. And I can't help.

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They Keep Saying It's Over, but I'm Just Beginning to Feel the Warmth on My Skin...

So... I realize that Labor Day was over a week ago, but yes, this is a Labor Day post. I just kept putting it off even though for once I had something to talk about instead of my usual random ramblings. Even though I'm sure it'll still be rather random.
Well, the husband had a four day weekend so I decided it was the perfect time to take a mini-vacation from work. Therefore, we spent the entire weekend together. Every waking moment. (Yes, we're still in the stage of our marriage where we like to be around each other all of the time.)
Friday consisted of us heading to the beach with a couple of his work friends. It was probably only the second or third beach-worthy day of the year so it was perfect. We picked up a pack of the Smirnoff mixed box (Yes, the box. The blueberry-lemonade is my favorite) and dedicated the afternoon to soaking up the sun. We were there for probably two or three hours. Let's just say the box did not make it home. It was my first time getting drunk on the beach, and I'll admit it was nice. Completely  unwinding with the most beautiful view in front of you. Unfortunately all of that beach fun led to us passing out the rest of the night at home.
Saturday began slowly. Very slowly. We basically sat in bed, laptops next to each other and coffee in hand. It was two o'clock before we even thought about moving. But we had plans so we finally left our hovel. We were invited to go kayaking, which I'd never done before, but wanted to attempt. While it was nice and sunny for once at home, of course where we ended up kayaking turned out to be gray and cold. Nevertheless we headed out. I'll admit I was a little nervous. I was afraid of getting tired and not being able to get back, getting flipped, or getting lost. Luckily we went doubles so Ty lent his manly strength to the trek. Despite the cold, it was a lot of fun. Hard work, but fun. We weren't able to stay out too long, but we had a good time and now I can say that I've done it.
Then Sunday my husband awoke me and announced he had the plan for the day's festivities. I, imagining getting dressed up and having a coffee date, was rather surprised his plan was for us to go to the shooting range. Oh. Mars and Venus nonsense I suppose. He has been on a gun and hunting kick ever since we got our hunting licenses...
....Which I didn't tell you about so I will do so now. He asked me like a month ago in passing if I wanted to take a gun safety course. Thinking how much he wanted me to know how to shoot and deciding it was probably a useful idea,(and figuring he'd forget all about it) I said yes. Then a few weeks later he reminds me that it's coming up and we have to take the online course. Okay..he's serious I guess. So I get to this course and I discover it's hunting safety. Huh. I really have no intention of ever actually hunting or shooting anything so this seemed a little bit unnecessary. I didn't really care about learning to hunt since it was something that never interested me. I proceeded to tell him this, but he then proceeds to tell me how much he wants to do it and seeing how excited he is, I go along with it. So we passed the courses and got our licenses. One more thing I can say I've done...
...anyways. Since then he's been obsessed. That's how he is though. He'll get an idea in his head or a hobby and he'll be all gung-hoe about it for about a month and then switch to something else. He's trying to be a Renaissance man/Jack of all trades is my theory. So Sunday we went to the shooting range. Ok, I'll be totally upfront: I was beyond nervous, I was almost scared. I had never even held a gun let alone shoot one without any sort of teaching. But there I was holding a .22 revolver that the store owner said was the "beginner's" gun, being shown how to load and shoot at the target. I was freezing thanks to the shorts I was wearing and the vents in the room and kept jumping from everyone shooting around me. But I knew he was really excited and wanted me to do it, so I sucked it up and shot. And let's just say, I'm pretty awesome. It's scary when it goes off, but how can you shoot a gun and not feel like a badass? Sure, I was shooting the "baby" gun with what I'm sure is the smallest bullet ever, but I felt so tough. I don't think I'll ever feel completely comfortable handling or being around guns, but I think that understanding how they work and being able to operate one is important. So yeah, I'm a kickass chick.
Sorry for this turning into a short novella, but I can ramble on as we know. To wrap it up, here are the only pictures of this fun and eventful weekend:

Oh, and here is how we welcomed autumn since everyone apparently believes that summer is over even though it's really just beginning here: 

The first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the year.

Homemade chili.

Bringing the smells of home to us.

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