No Longer Feeling 22...

Today's my birthday. The not-so-big 23.
For some reason I'm feeling very thoughtful and reflective today... I suppose that's usual. To review the year that has passed and contemplate the one to come.
A lot of change occurred this last year. But so much is still the same. Location has changed. My family has changed. But I still feel like I'm in the same place. I don't think that I've moved from where I was this time last year. For better or for worse.
I'm not where I thought I'd be at 23. Before Ty, I figured at this time I'd have my degree and a job. Hopefully married, but maybe not yet. I'd just be starting life on my own as an adult. Well, the marriage thing came sooner than I thought. I started life as an "adult" earlier than planned. I've traveled and have seen more of this country than I ever imagined that I would. I assumed I'd still be in my hometown or somewhere near. But the whole college part of the vision hasn't panned out. I'm still not sure what I want to do. And I can't seem to find any direction.
I know how important higher education is. But I feel like I have to choose between studying what I want to study and studying what will make me money in the future. I don't like that. I love learning and I'm willing to work hard, but I want to be passionate about what I'm doing. I don't just want to be in it for the almighty dollar. I want to provide for my family of course, but I'd rather live simply and enjoy what I do.
Sigh.. I feel like this is the conversation I have with myself all of the time. The same words going around and around...
I need this to be the year that I figure that aspect of my life out. By the time fafsa filing time rolls around again after the first of the year, I want to have a plan. I just need to make a move.
I plan on becoming a mother soon. Even if I decide to be a stay at home mom full or part time for the first few years, I want to have a degree as "backup" if I need to provide suddenly or if we decide to send our kids to school instead of homeschool, I'll want a degree to help me get back into the workplace.
I won't lie and say that I sort of hoped my birthday present this year would be that I was pregnant. That is not the case however. I know that just means it's not the time. I'm trying not to obsess over it. I want it to happen "naturally" but I want to be proactive as well. I may not know what I want to do as a career, but I sure as hell know that I'm ready to be a mom. And maybe to society that isn't as important because it doesn't  earn anything, but to me that's the most important thing. As antiquated a thought as it may be, having a career is beneath being a good wife and mother to me.
For the longest time I haven't felt my age. I mean, I've always been mature and felt myself to be an old soul. But I've been sort of in denial about my age. I feel like I'm still 17. Not this year though. I feel 23. I don't know why. Maybe I'm settling into my twenties now. Getting used to no longer being a teenager.
Life keeps moving forward faster and faster. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting it doing nothing or doing the same thing every day. I know we're only given such a short time and I don't want to waste a moment of it. I want life to always be an adventure. Not an endless sequence of days. I want to live the width of my life, not just the length. I need to stop being so cautious and worried and start being brave. You can't live your life afraid to move forward. It may be the wrong direction, but at least it's somewhere you've never been.

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Living for the Weekends...

One of the things I regret most about our time in California is how little exploring we did. There's so much to see and do, but we always ended up doing the same things. For example, how is it we lived there for 2 years and never went to a vineyard or a winery or anything like that? And we never went to L.A. Or the mountains. Or whatever. We had our usual weekend routine that we stuck to. Which is fine, and I usually had really good times, but there's so much that I feel like we should have done. I promised myself that when we moved out East finally that we'd do it right and explore like fiends. But here we are. 3+ months of living out here and haven't gone anywhere. Hm.
Without disclosing too exactly of where we are I will just say we are a short drive away from D.C. With just that information you can imagine how much there is to see and do here. Hiking, mountains, historical places, the ocean, D.C. in general, anything really up or down the coast...
But yet another Saturday has gone by where we're still going to the same mall and still ending up at home drinking coffee.
Don't get me wrong, I love that we're homebodies and I could stay at home with just the two of us forever. But it just seems a waste of the opportunity we have of living out here. We may never be back here again and I don't want to regret not going on adventures.
I suppose I just need to plan day adventures and just do them. That way we don't have an excuse. We're always at a loss for what to do on weekends, but if we already had a plan in action, we'd be great.
Where to start, I wonder...
On a side note: Summer needs to stop arriving so early. I wanted Spring. Not summer. This heat can go away until June. Thanks from a girl who lived in a bay for 2 years and hasn't seen 80 degrees since.

Now for some random pictures that have nothing to do with this post:

Farm fresh eggs courtesy of my manager from work.. I was way too excited about these.

Rainy nights apparently inspire me to break out my camera.

Forever the most beaten looking dog.

My husband's bass.

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